The Wonder of Being Thankful"

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” What simple words these are and how very easy they are to say. Why is it that these words are forgotten so many times during our daily lives? Being thankful is something that seems to come easily to some people but is far too difficult for others. Being thankful is very characteristic of some regions of the world and even some regions of our country, but in far too many places, it is often forgotten.

And, by the way, what is a typical response when you do say thank you to someone. Often times, the response is “no problem” instead of “your welcome.” What does “no problem” infer? I have to say - “Your welcome is much more positive and

affirming."

How many times have you held a door for a stranger and had them walk past you without thanking you or even acknowledging your presence? It is as though the other person thinks that you should have been there all along, just waiting for them to come by so you could open the door for them. When this happens to me (and this seems fairly frequently) I usually smile and say, “You’re welcome,” as the person walks silently past me.” Sometimes this elicits a hasty thank you. Sometimes it produces a cold stare. Why is it so difficult for people to be thankful?

Well, I think part of the reason is that, for several decades, our society has been emphasizing a sense of entitlement. It is now inferred in American culture that just because we are alive, we automatically have the right to many things. Carried to the extreme, this can be a rather bizarre concept that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Even our nation’s social caring programs are called “Entitlement Programs” – instead of something like “humanitarian programs.”

Unfortunately, even the legal profession has jumped onto this bandwagon suggesting that if something goes wrong in our life, we should be entitled to compensation. How many legal ads have you seen on TV or heard on the radio that suggest that if something has happened to you, “you may be entitled to compensation?” (Motorcycle story in seminary).

This is not to suggest that there isn’t merit in society for providing services for the less fortunate, nor for people who are legally wronged to seek accountability, but in modern America, we have gone far beyond this. We have become a society that expects and demands entitlement and a society that has largely forgotten that life is a gift and that we as individuals are truly not automatically entitled to anything. What’s worse is that we often seek more in life without even being thankful for what we already have.

Probably a significant reason why we too often fail to give thanks is that we are so blessed with prosperity that we take for granted the things that we do have. For most of human history, people lived closer to the edge of survival. When one is faced with the uncertainty that food will be available or that shelter and physical safety are secure, there is a greater appreciation when these things are at hand. When was the last time you were worried about the availability of food for the day or about finding shelter from the elements? Ritual thanks were and are a frequent component of the daily lives all primal peoples. Thanksgiving ceremonies marking the harvest season, or a successful hunt, or the coming of spring have been present in virtually all societies and cultures around the world. Even the idea of giving thanks by saying a prayer before meals is common in most cultures. (And a prayer before meals does not have to be religious in nature.)

What has happened in America is that we have forgotten how sacred, how fragile, and how amazing our life really is.

The problem with failing to live one’s life as a thankful person is that, generally speaking, the less thankful we are, the more demanding we become. The less thankful we are, the more we expect things to go the way

we want and the more bitter we become when things don’t work out the way we expect.

This process was vividly presented to me when I was serving as a chaplain on the oncology and cardiac care floor of a Washington DC Hospital. In many cases, I witnessed people on the verge of death and many who did die. I was particularly struck by the fact that some people grew meaner and meaner as they approached their death. Some failed to even attempt a thank you to the many nurses (and sometimes doctors) who spent hour after hour caring for them. It was as though they were entitled to this service and entitled not to die.

The curious thing was to contrast these bitter people with others in similar predicaments who smiled, joked, and accepted with peace that death was imminent. In every case, these kinder, gentler people were the ones who always made an effort to thank everyone who did the slightest thing for them.

The lesson here is that giving thanks, and becoming a thankful person, can help you to become a more caring, more compassionate, more loving person. How could anyone possibly consider themselves a loving person if they fail to be a thankful person? The two naturally go together.

Following from this, it is clear that taking the time to try one’s best to be a thankful person is spiritually healthy. Those who fail to be thankful in their life often fill the void of thankfulness with bitterness, resentment and entitlement. Far worse, they may even harm others with words and deeds in an effort to deal with their feelings. Mean people are not thankful people.

Taking the time, every day, yes, every day, to give thanks in some way, not just to other people, but to life in general, is important because being thankful can be spiritually uplifting. (You can do this in the morning when

you wake up or you can do it just as you get into bed.) Being thankful can refocus us from the disappointments in our life to the realization of the goods things that we do have. It can keep our life in context. It can help keep our life in balance. Giving thanks can make us happier and kinder people.

Depending upon your point of view and your own theological outlook, daily thanksgiving may take the form of a prayer of thanks to God, or to the sacred source of all creation, however you view it. Or, it may take the form of a meditation or reflection on the glory of being alive. Giving thanks need not be a theological act; it may merely be an act of celebration.

Buddhists, for example, believe in frequently giving thanks. It is seen as an act of compassion and a way to focus on mindfulness in order to appreciate all the blessings of life. Buddhists believe that giving thanks provides a person with peace and contributes to happiness. In doing so, Buddhists are not praying to a god or gods.

Whether or not you attribute your life to a sacred power or simply to the magnificent creative universe in which we live, there is plenty of room for being thankful each day, because our lives are a gift no matter how our life came about. Taking the time each day to offer thanks can keep you in tune with creation and encourage you to recall the blessings of being alive.

Another thing that I think that we have forgotten about being a thankful person is what thanks can actually do for another person. Giving thanks can actually uplift another person and give them new energy to do good things in the world. I can speak from personal experience.

For many years during my work as a professor at the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, I also spent considerable hours serving as a crisis counselor for the midshipmen. Frequently, around graduation time, a few fathers or mothers would seek me out to thank me for helping their son or daughter. I was shy about accepting their thanks, but I can tell you it certainly invigorated me to want to continue to help others. I did not volunteer my time in counseling to get thanks, but the thanks I received was an acknowledgment that I had made a difference in someone’s life. Hearing this was important to me because it helped me understand that my work was valuable.

Conversely, how do you feel when you have worked hard to help someone and they do not even acknowledge your help. All of us have experienced this. It leaves us feeling hurt, sad, and disappointed. It even sometimes

makes us throw our hands up in the air and wonder, “Why should I even bother.” No one cares.

The point is giving thanks is important because it can make the other person to feel worthwhile… to feel valuable… to feel appreciated. Giving thanks empowers people to do even more.

Even giving thanks in a small way is important because it can serve to put the other person in a particular state of mind. When we fail to acknowledge and thank people, even for little things, it invariably upsets them, distracts them, and may cause them to be discourteous to the next person. Being kind and being thankful has ripple effects. Being thankful to one person may cause them to be thankful to the next person they encounter…… and the reverse is also true.

There isn’t just one way to give thanks. There are many and they depend upon the situation and occasion. As I mentioned before, I think it is important each day to pause for a few moments of reflection to give thanks for being alive and to acknowledge all the good things in our life. This helps put our life in context. It helps balance us by recognizing that despite the many hardships in life, we also have been blessed with many things.

Giving thanks in this way may take the form of a silent prayer. It may take the form of lighting a candle and spending a few moments in quiet meditation. It may even take the form of a prayer before meals. Giving thanks for our life and thanks for all the abundance we have can also take a more proactive form. “Giving back” a little to the world is certainly a way to give thanks. Supporting charities, supporting our religious

communities, supporting social action and justice causes are certainly ways of giving thanks. Volunteer work or caring deeds performed within one’s own profession are also ways of giving thanks. Even being kind to people

when you are feeling rotten inside can be a way of giving thanks, for the very notion of thankfulness is rooted in loving kindness.

Sometimes a gift or even just a written note can be an awesome way to be thankful. Words are useful ways of giving thanks, but tangible acts such as writing a note or giving a special gift can be much more powerful in certain instances. It just depends upon the occasion.

On the other side of the coin, it is very important to be thankful person, but it is also very, very important to acknowledge thanks and to allow people to be thankful to you. When we fail to allow people to thank us, we deny them all the benefits of giving thanks. Taken to the extreme, we may frustrate them and make them feel forever beholding to us.

People who continually do things for other people and fail to acknowledge or accept thanks can take on a martyr complex. They can even twist their good deeds into manipulating other people so that they appear to be the unrecognized saint, the unsung hero. In all cases, this is unhealthy and unloving at best. In the worst of cases, it is nothing more than idolatry of oneself. If you have done something good for someone, let them offer you thanks and accept it with passion. It will make them feel good and you as well.

So, what about our Thanksgiving holiday. I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is a time unencumbered with the trappings of other holidays – like Christmas. It is a time to give thanks. It is a time when friends and family come together to share a great feast together. In my view, meals can and should be a sacred experience. All human beings need to eat in order to survive. When basic sustenance is combined with friendship, love, and celebration, such as it can be in Thanksgiving, the event becomes sacred. It is symbolic. It is really what the notion of “communion” is all about.

Unfortunately, in today’s society with our fast-paced lives, fast-food, and our tendency to cram as many activities into one day as we possibly can, many of us have relegated meals and eating to an event that is best handled by the food processing industry and the manufacturers of microwave ovens.

Some people eat breakfast on the run or in their car. Some people eat lunch standing at a deli-counter, reading the paper or picking up food in a drive-thru, fast-food store; shoveling food into their mouth as they negotiate the perils of traffic. If some manage to sit down for dinner, they oftentimes can’t stand the quiet of the moment so they watch television as they pack-in the food.

One of the real values of the Thanksgiving holiday is that it is a reminder of the sacredness of eating and sharing thanks together. It can be a time to remember the blessed things in our life. It can be a time to recognize that despite life’s hardships, all of us have a lot to be thankful for. It can be a time to share our thanks with others, to give thanks and to accept thanks. It can be a time to remember that meaning and joy can be derived from eating and sharing together - to acknowledge the sacredness of table.

In the best of cases, we leave a Thanksgiving celebration happy, reflective and glad that we have had a chance to share with family and friends.

Let us celebrate Thanksgiving this year and try to relive the holiday often

throughout the year that lies ahead.

As the Sufi mystic Jalal al-din Rumi said in the 13 th century , "Wear gratitude like a cloak, and it will feed every corner of your life."

Reverend Christopher McMahon

Sunday, November 16, 2025

UU Chatham