"The Sounds and Paradox of Silence"

Photo by Jan Huber on Unsplash

By Rev. Cari Keith, shared with UUMH with permission

May the meditation of my heart and the words that I share be spoken with care and integrity. May they be received with openness, and held or let go as needed. Amen....

I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and in Jesus Christ, his only son our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary...

Oh no...oh dear...I forgot myself! You are not Presbyterians, are you? Darn! I’m in my new spiritual and theological home and UUs do not subscribe to those ancient words of belief – do we? From its inception in the 16th century Unitarians reasoned that there was no Biblical mandate for a Trinitarian creed, and have long supported the individual’s quest for truth and meaning. There are covenants, but no creeds. I am grateful for UU encouragement and support as I have continued my own spiritual quest over the last decade. It has been an extraordinary freedom to search without trying to pour new thoughts into old creeds, or to struggle making sense of how new thoughts will fit my old patterns of belief. Words matter. Saying those ancient words at one time – even when I wasn’t sure if they fully expressed what I believed theologically – enabled me to feel confident in my Presbyterian belonging. Those words gave me a place to be and to begin.

Whether in our spiritual lives or our secular lives words matter. Ask any journalist today about the power of words and the courage and integrity demanded of journalists around the world. Our words can build up or break down relationship. They can harm or heal. They can codify, concretize, and brutalize as easily as they can invite, affirm, and encourage. Words can signal our inclusion as well as our exclusion; where we belong and where we are not welcome. Knowing when and how to use our words and when to hold our words requires life long attention and practice. I would even go so far as to say that learning to balance silence and speaking are essential life long practices.

To quote from the anthem we just heard (Sounds of Silence by Paul Simon)... Hello darkness, my old friend...I've come to talk with you again...Because a vision softly creeping...Left its seeds while I was sleeping...And the vision that was planted in my brain...Still remains... Silence, like our use of words, is a rich gift to be carefully tended, wisely used, and cherished. As the song suggests, silence is far more than the absence of our words. It is our partner in the practice of discerning our word choice. Without being attentive to the gift of silence we are far more apt to speak reactively. Let’s be honest, is there anyone here who has never put their foot in their mouth or exploded and wondered why? Is there anyone here who hasn’t found themselves saying, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean it that way.” Or perhaps you repeated an empty platitude simply because you couldn’t think of anything else to say - “Oh, don’t worry, everything is going to be fine” - even when you and the other person know that “fine” is not imminently likely.

When we give quality time to practicing a discipline of silence, when we tend to our relationship with silence, our words will express more clearly what our heart wants to say, what our heart knows needs saying. When our words are born in silence there is an integrity and a richness that has a very different quality from the words that can come flying out of our mouths. My sister painted this sign for me (show WAIT sign) and it sits on my desk during zoom meetings. I really should have it tattooed on my hand! WAIT – Why Am I Talking? I have found, Why am I talking? To be an essential question when I truly want to listen!

Silence is a good friend, a wise friend – when I remember to call it in on consult! With silence on my speaking team I are much less likely to say the words that hurt and harm or to say the words that can escalate an already tense and difficult situation. Silence offers the pause that enables a healing response; that de-escalates negative energy; that invites others to take a deep breath. Silence isn’t brash or forceful. It whispers. We need to practice listening to its whisper and then pause to consider its wisdom. We need to ask ourselves, “What is it I really want, need, or desire to say?”. We need to ask ourselves, “What is the purpose of my words?” Is the purpose of my words to affirm myself or to affirm others; is it to push my own agenda or to better

understand a different agenda; is it to fill an empty space or to clarify an idea; am I using my words as a filler simply because I am uncomfortable with the silence? When we pause to explore these questions in the silence we open the door and invite real change.

Silence is a good friend, a discerning friend, an honest friend. Silence is strong and gentle, but again, it will not force its way. And that brings me to one more point I’d like to share about silence. Yes, more words about silence – truly, what a paradox! We have all had experiences of remaining silent not for the purpose of listening or discerning, but out of fear. Fear induced silence does not serve us. It does not serve the healing of relationships, our communities or our nation. In fear induced silence we shut down the inner heart and mind voice of wisdom. We may be aware of what has emerged from our silent discerning, but we push it away. This response is not uncommon. How many of you remember not raising a hand to respond to a question because you were afraid you would have the wrong answer? Perhaps there was a time when you didn’t ask for help because you were afraid no one would offer to help. How many of you avoid sharing the heaviest thing on your heart because you are afraid that no one will hear your pain? There are countless reasons for why we stay silent out of fear; countless examples of staying silent for safety’s sake. In these situations it takes not only great courage to speak, but a deep relationship with your silent self; the kind of relationship that gives

fullness and power to your chosen words; the kind of relationship that can both build your own courage and ground you in the conviction of your words.

It is not unusual to observe this behavior in modern churches. We stay silent on the subject of politics in church, and outside of church stay silent on the subject of religion and religion’s participation in the community. This wasn’t always so... I started this morning with the ancient words of the Apostle’s Creed because they reminded me of the courage required of those early Unitarians who refused to speak a set of words simply

because they were the expected words of history, theology, belief and belonging. It took great courage to remain silent when those creedal words were spoken and then to gradually formulate – out of their own silent discernment process, new words of belief and belonging. It took great courage in the centuries that followed to continue to say “no” to Christian convention and to say instead, We believe in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. It took great courage to lift the fear that silenced their voices so that the words of their heart – born in silence – could give new life to countless spiritual seekers. And to be sure, there was no promised safety in what they did. As a born and raised Presbyterian, I have been deeply changed by the courage of the early Protestant reformers, and changed again by the courage of the early Unitarians. Our life

journeys – secular and spiritual - are not stagnant; our life long beliefs need not be stagnant. The silence of discernment, alive in each of us, is ever alert to the changes that are needed; to the words that need to be spoken now and the words that need more time for refinement.

The early Unitarians pondered and discerned together before they spoke their truth. And when that truth was revealed, fear, although present, was not allowed to stop them from speaking. What are the words our deep inner silence is asking us to speak today? What are the words being held back by fear and how can we move beyond that fear for the benefit of community? Where is the need, every bit as strong now, as it was for those early Unitarians? What are the words of belief in justice, equity, acceptance, respect, and dignity for all people that need to be shared beyond these walls? What are the words that will give new hope and meaning to those

longing for justice in our time and society?

The sound of silence is a paradox. Silence can give birth to life healing words or it can stifle those words. We are the ones who must learn when silence is needed for wise discernment and when silence is being used out of fear. The time we spend building a relationship with our own inner silence is a journey that will serve not only our individual selves, but countless others as well. It is a journey traveled by those who went before us and have enriched our lives. May we now be willing to take on that mantle of courage, to learn from our silence, to speak its wisdom, and to resist the fear that would deny our voice.

Amen,

Rev. Cari Keith (By Rev. Cari Keith, shared with UUMH with permission)

Photo by Jan Huber on Unsplash

UUMH Chatham, September 28, 2025